Giving up control
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)
By nature, we all strive to control our existence. Why wouldn’t we? Life feels chaotic when we lose control of the world around us – whether through decisions we’ve made or by random acts that affect our health, wealth, and well-being. We long to control not just our own lives, but oftentimes, the lives of those around us. What we seldom understand is that surrender doesn’t always signify defeat, but more often, great victory.
As Christians, we’re called to relinquish our inner selves – not just in part, but in full, abject surrender. It’s only through total acquiescence to God that we can grow, improve, and find real happiness.
Over time, this concept has proven itself to me over and over again.
I tried for years, for example, to obtain employment where I am now. I tendered resume after resume, including countless applications, for any number of positions – interviewing four times over as many years. With each interview, I felt that I had done well, but walked away, praying, “Not my will, but yours, Lord. Show me what I should do.”
Praying such a prayer took a tremendous burden off my shoulders. I gave the end-results to God before knowing what those results would be. I knew then as I do now that God has a purpose for everything, and sometimes, that purpose is to walk us through and keep us in circumstances where we aren’t happy.
And that’s okay – as long as we’ve surrendered those circumstances to God.
While waiting for my current position to come along, I stayed in a role that consumed me. I worked 12-hour days – taking work home, each weekend – on a modest salary, in high-stress positions, with little room for anything less than perfect performance. There were times when I felt as if I was a contestant on a never-ending episode of “Jeopardy,” with no acceptable wrong answers. (1) I strived to keep everyone happy at all times with an ever-increasing workload and little gratitude for a job well done.
In one particular instance, while traveling abroad with responsibilities for my supervisor’s entire schedule – including waking her up, and keeping the never-ending sweet tea brewed and stocked in the refrigerator – I suffered a near melt-down, after a particularly stressful day.
I was exhausted, dismissed from my immediate assignment for not making the tea in time for after-lunch meetings, and left alone at 11:00 pm while waiting for others to meet and discuss the next day’s activities. I had barely eaten, still had homework to complete – as I was finishing my bachelor’s degree at the time – and felt utterly alone in the world.
After ranting to a team member who finally showed up at the meeting and having her tell me that she didn’t care, I walked through the darkness to my room and made a vow to myself that I would find another job, as soon as possible. Staring up at the stars outside my window that evening, I cried out to God and begged Him to give me strength.
The next morning, I surrendered my will to Him, again – telling God that I would stay in a dark place if He needed me to remain and be the light.
And so I stayed.
What I later came to realize was that there was a purpose in my staying where I was. I committed myself, in spite of the emotional and physical stress, to do whatever God wanted me to do. During that time, I heard countless people tell me how much they appreciated my positivity and encouragement in an environment where little of those traits were exhibited.
Behind the scenes, I prayed for grace, every single day – yet on the outside looking in, my peers and supervisor saw someone who was humble and committed to doing whatever was necessary to take care of others.
But how could I do so?
It was only through complete and utter surrender to God’s will that I could be the person that He needed me to be for the people that needed me. It was not by my strength alone that I walked through the fire of damaging relationships and uncaring employers. My entire existence is evidence of God’s grace. I am nothing without Him.
On the day that God granted me my new position with another employer, I could only smile and say, “Not my will but yours, Lord!” My new role pays more, has better benefits, and allowed me to purchase a home of my own. I could have never done so in my old position.
Nevertheless, the waiting kept me humble and resolutely reliant on His power and provision. I have grown through my deference in ways I could never have, had He immediately resolved my conflicts. Patient humility and dedicated servility have made me who I am today.
In His time, in full submission, God eventually gave me the desire of my heart and then some. I can now say with complete assurance that God’s plan for me surpassed anything I could have come up with on my own.
Isn’t that just like God? We can never out-give Him! He always has more in store for us if we willingly surrender everything we have to Him.
Reference:
- McCarthy, K. (Director). 2019. Jeopardy [Television Series].