Our wall breaker/love maker anniversary – Part 1

It’s normal for married couples to celebrate anniversaries such as the day they met and the day they wed. But two anniversaries in a love story as profound as David’s and mine don’t seem to be enough.

Instead, we celebrate our love with anniversaries all year long. In addition to the day we met (October 12th) and our wedding anniversary (March 12th), the 12th of each month is another important acknowledgement of God’s grace in bringing our two hearts together. December 11th is also important to us as it’s the day David proposed to me. So, too, December 12th is remembered as the two-month anniversary of the day we met, as well as the day we served with Samaritan’s Purse together as an engaged couple. December 2nd is another important date in our lives that will forever mark the moment my walls of protection were utterly obliterated by love.  

The tale begins on November 28th – what I like to call our “Next Chapter Day,” which I’m now officially naming as another anniversary. 

On November 27th, I gave my sweet kitty, Rocky, back to God – a story I wrote about in my blog entitled, “Not the Father’s will that any of these should perish.” I had purposely chosen not to tell David about this event as I knew he was working hard rebuilding Herm and Nancy’s Ft. Myers home, which had been devastated by Hurricane Ian. I didn’t want to distract him from that mission with my pain.  

As it turned out, David was hurt by my choice not to share this life event with him. After a few brief back-to-back text messages establishing the same, David sent me a link to the Rachel Lampa song, “Perfectly Loved,” which affected me profoundly. 

Beyond our miles-long text messages in those first few months of our relationship, David and I wrote beautiful love letters via email. Wanting to capture the profound way David’s song-send had deeply moved me emotionally, on November 28th, I emailed him the following impassioned response: 

“Dear David, 

I had planned to send you a completely different message this evening about being a wounded animal – something that needs time and total commitment to earn trust. I know all about such things by being both the one earning the trust and the one who trusts. It’s always worth the effort in the end. 

But then you sent me that video. The lyrics of this song speak so deeply to my soul that I can’t stop listening to it. 

David, God is the only one who has ever perfectly loved me. He’s the only one who’s never abandoned, abused, and rejected me. All I’ve ever wanted was to be perfectly loved. That’s all. I used to puzzle over why something that should be so simple is beyond comprehension. I love like that. Why can’t anyone else do the same? 

They haven’t. Until perhaps now. 

Can you perfectly love me? Can you truly want to know these, my innermost thoughts? Can you really want to know me and yet still love me – despite my flaws, scars, and fears of betrayal? 

I have only one fear in life – believing that there may be perfect love only to discover that I was mistaken, yet again. I want to hold onto my belief that somewhere, love can be genuine and whole, that deep love, as the Bible tells me, covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8) 

I used to think that meant love excuses bad behavior, that I could WILL someone to love me, or that they’d change and do so. Nothing could be further from the truth. People don’t change. Either they love you, or they don’t. 

I don’t want superficial love, David. I want perfect love – the kind that sticks with you when times get tough, that isn’t afraid to scale walls, walk 10,000 miles, or stand beside you when things get messy or you’re less than perfect. 

‘Perfect love casts out fear.’ (1 John 4:18) I don’t want to fear that I’m bothering you. I don’t want to fear that I’ll tell you I love you only to have you change your mind and walk away. I don’t want to fear that what I hope for, that someone can love me as deeply and passionately as I know how to love, isn’t real – that only God can love like that. If that were true, how could God have given that capacity to love in me? 

Am I the only person on Earth that gets it? Am I the only one who can love that deeply? Can you love like that, too, David? Can you love me like that? Can I finally give up always having to be strong and alone for being perfectly loved by someone who WANTS to be with me? Can you understand that I want nothing more in life than to love someone with my whole heart who I know loves me that way in return? 

Show me that you are that person, David. I don’t need space. I’ve had a lifetime of being shunned. You can’t love me enough. I will never get tired of being loved. Show me that you love me like God loves me, and you will hold my heart forever. 

I wish I could ask and tell you these things in person. I need to see your reaction – and you, mine. Until then, I will hold out hope that I may be perfectly loved someday. 

Thank you for giving me hope in something I stopped believing in long ago. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for not giving up on me. If you do, I will never bother you again. 

But if you don’t, if you will be the King David I know you to be – the man after God’s own heart – you may just find perfect love for yourself in return. 

In His love, Sara”

In response, David sent me the following message:

“Dearest Sara, 😇💞💋

What you have written to me is heaven-sent! I will cherish this forever! This is what I’ve been searching for my entire life as well.

When God completely entered my soul, and I felt unconditional love for the first time, I understood what had been missing all along. It wasn’t there in my family. When I felt that love from God, and I knew he was talking to me and not over me, or around me, or through me, but directly to me, with compassion and understanding, encouragement, fearlessness, determination, honesty, humbleness, and STEADFAST DEVOTION, He was telling me these were the foundations of loving with an open heart.

 I’ve been praying to meet someone the way we did, in a place where God was. I wanted to feel the beat that skipped in my heart when I met her. I wanted my breath to be taken away by her beauty, intelligence, compassion, love for others, and willingness to serve. I wanted someone where I would be safe to express my love of God, where it would grow and become stronger. I wanted to find that someone who understood and believed those same things, and we would have a Love built on the strength of our faith in Jesus and all that He teaches us.

As I got to know you during our deployment, I saw and felt ALL of these things in you. And I began to pray, Lord, is this the one? Is this the person who will have my back at all times, fight for me as much as I fight for her, who will support me in following the dream you have given me and encourage my creativity, will want to have a love between us as deep and as wide as is the universe you have created for us, someone who loves you with all her heart and wants to celebrate that love with me, someone that would wrap me in her arms of love and the pains and scars of my past would melt away forever – that she, Lord, would be the one I want to be with in eternity?

I know, with all my heart, Sara, YOU are her!! You are the Angel God has sent me, and I can barely see the screen right now though the tears of Joy streaming down my face. I thank God for the gift of you!

Scroll back through all of our messages to the beginning. My finger got tired of swiping; it took so long! We have a wonderful and beautiful connection! It’s only going to get stronger. With God at our center, we will be unbreakable. Set aside your fears, Dear One. I Will be your King David, and I will do everything in my power to honor that which has been given to me from God Our Father.

I U V. (Author’s note: This was David’s first not-so-cryptic way of telling me that he loved me without typing the words.) I guess that has been retired by now!

I love you so very much!!

With God’s Love

Your David💞”

Which prompted the following return message from me:

“Dearest David,

 Last night, I told you to add being a stone mason to your resume. This morning, I believe you may also add ‘bulldozer driver’ to your repertoire. How did you manage to obliterate my protective walls with one mailing? The truth is, you’ve been chipping away at them for some time now, even while I clung to the rubble you knocked down for fear of losing its protection. I don’t want to do that anymore.

What you’ve written to me through your tears is the perfect embodiment of all I’ve ever asked for. Your words can be nothing less than heaven-sent. They’re what my soul has been seeking, praying for, and envisioning for as long as I can remember. If your love is as you’ve described below, there is NO more extraordinary gift I could ever receive other than that from my Savior.

Unintentionally, I gave you an assignment that seemed impossible to complete. I asked you if you could love me as Christ does. I wanted to know if you even understood the kind of love I’m talking about.

I now know that you do. You were able to detail extraordinarily how Christ filled your soul with His perfect love. My heart soured as I read your words.

You said Christ was ‘talking to [you] and not over [you], or around [you] or through [you], but directly to [you], with compassion and understanding, encouragement, fearlessness, determination, honesty, humbleness, and STEADFAST DEVOTION. He was telling [you] these were the foundations of Loving With an Open Heart.’

That IS how Christ loves, David. You’ve entirely captured what God-given love is. That IS how He loves us.

And that is how I love, as well. Perfect love is modeled after our Savior’s. He demonstrated His love for us by dying on the cross for our sins, by caring for us since before we were born, since before time began.

‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ (Jeremiah 29:11)

That love story is captured in God’s holy Word. Ours is encapsulated here – but more importantly, it’s in our hearts.

Did your heart really skip a beat when you met me? Did I truly take your breath away with who I am? Can that be real?

I was called to Florida, David. God called me just as He called you. He asked us to give up a few days of our lives in utter abandon to His ministry, and we heeded His call. I had no idea what to expect, but it was beyond my wildest expectations. It still is. His gifts for me are still coming – from one single act of wholehearted commitment.

You said you prayed for someone like me. You wanted to find someone who also wanted to serve, even as you hoped you’d find that person while you were serving.

I did the same. That’s ALWAYS been my prayer.

But before this trip that changed our lives, I didn’t have that idea in my head. My only thought was, ‘Use me, Lord.’

Even so, just as I shut my door to begin my drive to FL, that thought entered my head. ‘Maybe you’ll meet him there.’ It took me back as that notion was not in my brain at ALL. I was so excited just to go, even as I marveled at how it all came together. I could barely contain my excitement. Every step, every mile, brought me closer to the mission God had ordained me for, even before I was born.

It also brought us to each other. Without knowing it, the perfect love story was revealed and put into motion the day I left GA. How the angels must have rejoiced that day!! What had been waiting in the shadows was being orchestrated on the stage of our lives. One act, one line, one piece at a time, was coming together. That story is ours. It’s our God-given love story, and it’s better than any I could have ever imagined.

I told you that if you showed me that you loved me as God loves me, you would hold me in your heart forever. I’m not going to say anything else until I see you, but you’re in my heart, King David. I hold your heart as my greatest treasure in return.

In His love, Sara”

What happened next was that David put into motion a plan to demonstrate his love to me so elaborate that it completely obliterated my walls. It’s so beautiful, in fact, that I will share its story in a separate post. 

For now, I end with a reminder that our God will break down every wall that holds us back from complete happiness and joy. All we have to do to find that jubilation on Earth is by surrendering our will to His. While I hadn’t yet found earthly love until God brought me David, the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ, was always with me. It carried, elevated, and sustained me throughout my life’s often perilous journey. 

In Christ, there is always hope – the kind of hope that only our Creator can bring. As David’s and my earthly pastor in VA Beach, Dr. Don Solomon of Kings Grant Baptist Church, told us today, “Hope in worldly terms is simply wishful thinking. Hope in Biblical terms isn’t wishful. It’s faith, assurance, and security in Christ. It can withstand trials, fire, and despair, God’s hope gives us security through Christ.” 

There is always hope, beloved. I’ve always felt secure in Christ. I soon discovered we can also have hope and security here on Earth. God walks before us, beside us, and with us. There is no better assurance than that we find in Christ. He is the ultimate wall breaker and love maker – every single day for all eternity.