My hope is in God

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. (Psalm 29:7)

One of my most significant shortcomings is that I tend to repeat failures in my head. “You should have done better. You weren’t prepared enough. You might as well accept defeat.” These thoughts repeatedly play in my mind on a continuous loop once I have committed a blunder of some sort. To overcome this way of thinking, I need to remind myself that such perception comes from the devil rather than from God. Satan loves it when I focus on my haggard humanity rather than Christ’s supernatural strength. 

A week ago, I participated in a test that did not go well. I had previously done better than expected on a similar assessment a few days earlier, which perhaps left me overconfident in this second venture. Everything that could go wrong in this subsequent platform did – leaving me humbled, humiliated, and horrified at my performance. “I should have done better. I wasn’t prepared enough. I might as well accept defeat,” came the recurring mantra in my head. 

A third evaluation will occur this upcoming week, and I must profess to emotions of underconfidence and insecurity. Where I was previously calm and collected, I am now anxious and apprehensive. Nehemiah 8:10, “The joy of the Lord is my strength,” has always been my life verse – but I am feeling neither joyful nor robust. 

Thankfully, God sees me differently. 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds me that “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 

Satan, on the other hand, delights in my self-doubt. He enjoys taking my eyes off of God by reminding me of my frailties. Philippians 4:13 affirms that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

I don’t have to be a super-woman to do well. I don’t need to rely on my intellect and superiority to be a champion for God. Such things have never been my forte. I am Christ’s humble servant, and with His help and His power, I will do the best I can then leave everything in His hands.  

Thomas Edison’s teachers told him he was “too stupid to learn,” and purportedly tried 1,000 times to create a successful lightbulb before doing so. 

Walt Disney was told he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas” after failing as a newspaper editor.

Abraham Lincoln grew up illiterate but educated himself so well that he ultimately passed the bar exam. He lost eight elections before becoming the 16th United States president and eventually led our nation through one of the most trying times in American history. 

While my failures may not seem as dramatic as those faced by the above, they could be equally paralyzing if I let them. 

In his book Overcomer, David Jeremiah tells the story of Reese Kauffman, president of Child Evangelism Fellowship. Kauffman had lost four major business accounts before launching his charity and was feeling depressed and defeated. While canoeing one afternoon, he laid out his problems before the Lord and felt his spirits lifted. 

“My countenance changed, and my joy returned,” Kauffman said. “I also realized afresh that it grieves the Lord when we don’t trust him. He has never once failed us. I can’t tell you how many times, both in business and in ministry, I’ve had to metaphorically get back into that canoe and remind myself that whenever I am fretting, it’s because I’m not thinking biblically or seeing clearly.”

As David Jeremiah summarized, “It’s alright to talk to God about your problems. But sometimes, you need to talk to your problems about God.”

And so I shall. I am ready to face this week’s tests and challenges with God’s help, knowing that I don’t do so alone. The joy of the Lord is my strength, and I will face my upcoming evaluations with confidence, knowing that He is with me. My hope is in God, who made heaven and earth. Whatever the outcome, I know He will see me through to His divine will for my life.